Vayikra: To Praise or Not to Praise?

I am the father of a one and only daughter (adopted at her request at the age of 17).
She now is the mother of two girls, whom I love as live itself, but who lived in our home for two winters following. So I cannot play the part of the loving grandparent anymore, I am still a part of their upbringing and I ty to this with the combination of the heart and the mind . As is said , I love them very much but I make mistakes every day for which I pray to G-d to help me not to repeat them and still I do. My answer to every question regarding the raising of children is: think of HIM, follow your heart and use your common sense Reply

To Praise or Not There has to be a balance to all things in life, parenting is one of the many things that need to be always in check. I sincerely believe that there is a time and place for all things. God gives us wisdom as to know when is the right time or moment to praise our children. Too much praise spoiles the recipe and too little as well. What makes this a challenge is the many mixed messages that they receive on a daily basis, the conflicts they face when in social settings and balancing everything can be challenging. As parents we need to always be aware of these situations and be there for our children to guide them so that they are confident to do what is right. Praising our children is good and giving them room to grow is also good, leaving them without any of both, well the result is all around us. Reply

Nowadays we are bounced among different opinions as to what and how to do things or live. Appreciate opinions but at the very end whatever one do must be with love and from the deepest part of our hearts. If that makes you stupid it doesn't matter because the more sincere you are with yourself the happier you and those you touch with your actions; are. Believe me, they will feel that. Reply

Closer to one's jugular vein
Parents should have into their consideration that they are mostly friends to their children. Here progress would be in the way they help their children on educating them as they are part of the spirit of the Creator .. in other words they have something important and beautiful of His Almighty great industry.This absolutely would assist in reinforcing and enhancing the children's trust in their ability. Reply

Praising & encouraging is a step forward put together with that parents should suggest what better to do . They should almost always present the better suggested alternative . On this they should be very careful. They should present it Cordially.
Best
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My last child at home, all the rest are married.B"H Yes, I too I'm always telling my daughter how wonderful she is, and to be righteous and Godly and all will be all wright. But I forget that we all have a purpose in this world to fulfill. AND then comes the test individually for everyone to do and we will not be able to interfere, only the individual can act on that very moment with their free CHOICE, GOOD OR BAD! And yes Chana is right , our purpose IS to make this world better and serve Hashem Wholehearted. Reply

I don't have children, but having been an intelligent (if not "pretty" child) I think it's great to love our children for who they are, as they are, as G-d loves us, regardless of our "intelligence" (and there are so many different kinds of intelligence!), physical appearance, or abilities. Reply

I am a Latter-day Saint and found this site while researching Purim and found so much more! The insight in this note is particularly relevant to all mothers everywhere. It is truth for living but more than that, this web site has confirmed my belief that people have so much more in common than we have differences. Thank you! Reply

To Sasha: I read your input and I have some parenting advice. I too have a beautiful daughter hi res ther with good self esteem praising her watching with her having coffee with her in the morning telling her when she was right scolding her when she was wrong and teaching her to walk everyday with God doing God's work in return she learned great self esteem she learned she was beautiful inside and out she graduated from high school and ASU with honors and she now has a beautiful job working in psychology helping others and the rest of the world I think you're on the right track with the praise of children for when you praise them when they're right and you love them. Keep up the good work and good luck I'm sure you'll be fine. Reply

Chana's wisdom is right on the mark..........but a little positive reinforcement never
hurts.... Reply

Balance, belonging and a broad perspective is a summary of what I read.
A note on..... 'According to recent research, high self-esteem doesn’t improve grades or career achievement.' Our Western school / career system is set up for those hardwired w/ an analytical brain which is only half the population. The other half struggle in school because of a 'global' hardwiring to their brain. A successful life may or may not include good grades and career. Reply

I agree with this, too much focus on self is not good, may we all turn unto our Elohim. There is our life, our hope and joy. Thank you. Reply

I thought that final comment was perfect. Reply

when G-d said this is not good During Creation, Hashem, the Infinite Wisdom continually said this is good. Except once. When man was alone. Like Adam and Chava, our ego/self esteem is one part of the solution/problem and our disabilities/humiity are the other side of the problem/solution. It is not good for intellectual pride to be left alone without humility. Neither is it good for disabilities to be left alone without positive self esteem. There is a balance between both opinions that is only productive when we create an assistant for the primary process at hand. Here in this balance we live in Neshama, not Nefesh. kol tuv. Reply

Hi,
My name is Michael/Mathew. I am a screen writer here in Monte Carlo, Monaco. My twin brother and I were "in the movies" at three months old ,(1932,). Our mother and sister were two of the "earliest groupies" of the "new-speakies" in Hollywood.

My wish, for you, is to..... just let Chana "fly". Yes, she can! Just don't do or say anything that may deter her from "going for her dreams".

You should see some of my "movies" that I have written. THAT would give you a good idea of how Chana's "butterfly" could "emerge", were she to "actuate" her potential, with no outside "guidance". Just..... "let her fly"!

Chana shall forever "love you for it".
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I feel it's ok to praise children, it energizes them and encourages them 2 do better,but more than that we need 2 teach them they are incomplete without Elohim.I can't say I know so much about Judaism but I know about their deep reverence for G-d so if a child is brought up with such reverence mixed with words of affirmation, that child should do well. Reply

One's intrinsic connection with the Heart and Mind of G-d is the kind of "self"-esteem that makes one see oneself as cherished and beautiful. May the purpose of G-d be fulfilled in us that we are a 'people like unto Himself'! Reply

Re: a power greater than myself I tend to agree with Sasha Friedman to the extent that this belief is the core from which I base my (and in my opinion to the credit of their knowledge or not) anyone's evolution. I believe that nothing is accomplished without God's will and any contrary opinion is the product of a delusion derived from our ego, which again in my opinion is the definition of fear, insecurity, momentary or constant weakness due to lack of faith or simply lack of humility and the basis for the distancing of my conscience from God's will. I am proud to be evolving in God's perfect world. I have recently come to the conclusion with the help of many, that perfection is not a crystallized state but an evolving all encompassing flux, I am part of that to no lesser or higher extent than anyone. From this I deduct the importance of principles over personalities. Inspired from a power higher than myself, God bless. Reply

Spare the praise, inspire the child I have to go with Chana here. Aside from my Mother, who taught me that t was part of a big, important family, my chief child-rearing mentor was Dr. Spock (or his wife, as we have lately learned!).

The good doctor said that over-praising makes the child distrustful if the praise is deemed by the child to be wrong, or even worse, to think the parent is not telling the truth. "I can't really be that good! I know lots of kids who sing, do math, write, or whatever, much better than I do. Why is Mom saying things that aren't true?"

I have seen Mothers praising their brattly little kids and I just shake my head sorrowfully. Those children will have a hard time learning to respect themselves or to discipline themselves, if their parents do not have reasonable expectations for them.

Well, that's what I think, anyway. Reply